I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
