You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
