I must be too annoying 4 u.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we're so committed to being not committed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
