I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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