STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
