i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
