yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
