it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
