Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
