then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
