I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
