1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize