Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
