You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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