I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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