Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
