I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
