they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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