The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
