I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
