so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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