Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
