If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
