Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
