i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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