I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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