so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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