the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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