I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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