I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
