there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
