is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
