Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize