I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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