Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you will always have a special place in my vag
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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