its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
