3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my liver is dry heaving
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
