You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
