May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
