Dual....:-)
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
