So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
