I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize