brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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