I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
