So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
