Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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