I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were trust falling into bushes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
