I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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