yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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