omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's single and there are thong briefs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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