I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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