Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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