I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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