recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
