My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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