i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
