I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
even my farts smell like vagina
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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