That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
