Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
