i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
