Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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