Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
only you would photoshop your dick
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
