Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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