ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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