Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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