Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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