i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
