my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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