my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
