i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
