Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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