Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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