She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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