oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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